Back from cruising on the Independence of the Seas, RC. It was amazing to be with family. Cruising is all about the fun and food for sure! The buffet is every fat girls dream!! But it is now back to reality.
I didn't take a swimsuit, shorts, or even wear a sleeveless shirt. I did put on a romper style outfit to lay out for 15 min. Then when the family came down I went upstairs to change. THAT my friends is a CRIME!! I wasn't really self-conscience as much as just embarrassed. Does that make sense? I wanted to be comfortable. Being in something that showed my body was uncomfortable for me. So I did what worked.
BUT I realized this cruise that I need to make some changes. Some major changes. There were rock climbing walls (can't do it cause I am too big to carry my weight up some rocks). There were surfing stations (can't do it cause I didn't have the strength) There were huge slides (can't do it because those stairs were too high for me to climb without being winded). There was a virtual reality jumping station. (can't do it cause the embarrassment of not fitting into the harness). I am DONE! Just done!!! I am 43 and I feel 84. I have a million reason why I can't do something and they are all legit. But I am the only one that can control that. It's not like I have a disease or a medical issue that I don't have control over.
So today, TUESDAY, I am starting for one millionth time to take control over my eating habits. Its not like I eat a lot...............it's that I eat all the wrong things. I am addicted to carbs. But even that can be controlled by me. I am tired of not living. I am making changes and I plan to stick to them. I hate being fat. I hate being out of shape. I hate the way I feel. I hate the lack of control. It was starting to make me hate myself...................
Every fat girls dream is to eat what she wants and still not be fat. We know that is not a possibility!! I wasn't blessed with those good skinny genes. But I am the only one that can make myself lose weight and really get back into life. Cause so far I am just existing.
The one thing I did do on the cruise was sing karaoke. I love to sing and I am actually pretty good at it. So for that I am thankful that I bit the bullet and just went for it.
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